Sudden loss is hard.
Today has been a remembrance of many who lost loved one's suddenly to terrorist attacks on 9-11-01. The people in those buildings didn't want to die... they were taken. Some were driven by the hot fires to jump. Fast death became more tolerable than slow death. Or maybe when they jumped they were thinking of the possibility of survival... that by some remote chance they would survive the plummet to the ground. At any rate, I suspect most of those who jumped would have chosen to live their lives to a ripe old age if given the chance.
Then there are those every day who choose to die. Some invisible flame is lapping at their back... and they decide a quick death is more tolerable than a slow torturous one. I can't say there is much comparison between these folks and the folks whose lives are robbed. I really wish there was some way on that fatal day, that the buildings could have been filled with those who wanted to die... those who would pull the trigger on themselves, or drive off a cliff, or choose a permanent slumber.
Mind you... these are the ramblings of one person who really doesn't understand being that close to death. However... I have come to a painful understanding of sudden loss with suicide running rampant in my family. I've also become familiar with the effects of trauma on those close to me... from natural disasters, survival of deadly disease, or plain old mental illness. These can rob a person of their will to live after they struggled so valiantly for so long and seemed so vibrant and strong. Just look at my mom's picture. Did she look like a suicidal person?
Somehow the survival instinct turns to a death wish... a leap into the great unknown if you will. Not as suddenly as those who were left on the twin towers in flames... but just as real in the minds of those who choose in some way to jump out of living and into dying. I really hope I never understand...
